A "hypothetical" day of Counter-Strike

Wow, I can't wait to get back to this game! (beats playing with my Wii by myself)
I've been playing for so many years and I'm still learning so much. (My scores used to be decent, now I'm a 10/30 kill/death ratio everytime)
My computer's not the best, but it's usable. (It's just good enough to run the game and since I'm to broke to buy a new game, or upgrade the comp, it's my only option)
I'm just going to start by closing all programs on the computer before playing to optimize performance. (My comp still sucks, and I convince myself this matters)
Once I'm in the game, I'm going to play the Gun Game mod cause it's fucking awesome. (The Gun Game mod's maps are all very simple and the only maps that don't lag on this POS a.k.a. my only option to play this game)
What's that? I don't get to choose weapons in this mod? No big deal, it's fun fighting with a pistol instead of an assault rifle. (After 7 years or so, I still can't kill people with a pistol, so sad)
Where'd that guy kill me from? Oh, sitting in a corner waiting for anyone to run through the door, great strategy. (I hate corner campers, esp. in small maps, real difficult, real challenge, real fun)
Another headshot? Man my head must be huge, I die by headshot 9/10 times in this game. Other people are very good. (So many cheaters in this game, yet I keep playing)
I killed someone! Wait, no, I just hit him 8 times for 96 damage, someone else came in and finished off his last 4HP, they got the kill. Good teamwork! (I'm awesome at averaging about 10 damage done for each bullet I put into someone, try shooting someone 9 times with an assault rifle and NOT killing them in a video game, I'm the king of it)
Ok, I just got knifed, fuck this stupid game, they all cheat, this game sucks, there's to much lag, what a shitty mod. (I'm going to leave the server I'm on, go find another crappy Gun Game server since it's all I can play on, and repeat this over and over again until I get hungry, tired, or see a good porno tag that gives me other ideas)
m8r