Hair and sports

Watching the NCAA Florida/UCLA game tonight, and something just struck me, how fucking stupid are you as an athlete to have long hair? Watching Jahomo Noah (gets the name for the hair and the flaming womens tennis-esque screams every 5 seconds, more on that in a minute) I realized how stupid it is to have long hair. Here's the reasons-

1. You look like a fucktard
2. It gets in the way
3. More hair=more sweat not getting off your body
4. You look like a humongous fucktard

There's other reasons I'm sure I missed, but those are a few good ones. It's even dumber in sports that involve helmets, why would you want something getting in the way of that piece of foam and plastic protecting your brain? I understand athletes brains aren't always the smartest, but they do trigger all the motor skills that get them athletes paid, so I'd protect mine as well as possible. Long hair makes the helmet slide and fit less snug, which in turn makes it protect your brain less, which in turn makes you a fucktard. You think Ricky Williams was always this dumb? Hell no, not until he started wearing his hippie dreadlocks or whatever you want to call them and got his brain scrambled a little did he become dumber than Anna Nicole.

On to the screaming, if it's a badass dunk, yell. If you swat a shot into the mezzanine, scream your heart out. If you're fouled under the basket, trying to throw a pass, don't yell. You look like a pussy. If you make a shot, get fouled lightly, and are granted an "And 1" at the line, don't yell for 10 seconds like you are the man, your screaming just looks retardedly stupid. If you're playing tennis, and you're a male (or a Williams sister) don't yell. Yelling in tennis should be reserved for Maria Sharapova and other women who are attractive like her so us men watching can imagine they are orgasmic screams, not an incredibly stupid part of the sport. What does yelling accomplish other than making people look at you and think "Jesus, that guy just scored 2 out of the 200 points that will be scored in this game, what the fuck is he yelling for?"

What I've realized from this post, and from watching this Florida game, is that Noah should be shot before there are more guys who try to be like him. He looks like a tall, scrawny guy that people focus on because of the yelling (announcers call it intensity, dumbasses) and the hair (stands out) instead of the fact that at the next level, he's gonna get torn up. On second thought, don't shoot him. Let him fail at the next level. On third thought, shoot him, because even if he fails at the next level, his yelling and faghair will have gotten him millions of dollars that he can yell at. Shoot him now